pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
