please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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