i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
