brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
