So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Shame - the story of my life.
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