I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
