were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
