My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
