You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
