She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
