I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
