at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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