Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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