i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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