I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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