Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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