Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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