Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
