I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
