Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
