Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
