theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
