Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
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