Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
