There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You need a sexual gate keeper
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
