three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
