Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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