I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
