trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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