He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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