I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
