My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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