i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
