I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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