We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
