Already got asked if we're dating
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
