I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize
