it wasn't lemon gatorade
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
