TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
