ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
