Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
