Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Come share oat with me in your robe
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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