It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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