My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
