fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i just made my gag reflex go away.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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