apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize