I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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