Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
