you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
It was confusing and full of hummus
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
