Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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