after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
