the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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