You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
