Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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