Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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