Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
