apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize