I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
