Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
