And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Can I color on your dick again?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
