I love black thongs
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
