Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
