Where did you get a picture of my penis
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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