Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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