I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
