Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
