Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
