3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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